Abby's Final Fanfic

Prior to each other’s respective marriages, Emma Woodhouse from Emma counsels Elizabeth Bennet of Pride and Prejudice on how she must handle the situation with Mr. Darcy. Emma, the consummate matchmaker, is full of advice for headstrong Lizzy, who brushes off all of Emma’s directions.

Emma: @lizzyB -- Lizzy, dear, I heard ur having troubles of the romantic sort. U know how I do love playing matchmaker… care 2 talk?
Elizabeth: @cupidslilhelper -- No, thanx, I do not think I require ur gift of matching. Besides, I am sure u have ur hands full w/ that poor Harriet Smith.
Emma: @LizzyB -- Harriet is a lovely girl & w/ my help will be married in no time.
Elizabeth: @cupidslilhelper -- Yes, as I said, poor Harriet...
Emma: @LizzyB – Do not be silly. U know, not everyone is as hopeless as u on the subject of marriage. Mr. Darcy, 4 example…
Elizabeth: @cupidslilhelper -- Darcy, an absolutely awful man, is of no concern to u. And I would say it is u, will all this matchmaking business, who is the silly one.
Emma: @LizzyB -- Calm down, dear. It is just that I know Darcy is quite keen on u and u mustn't be so quick to pass on such an offer.
Elizabeth: @cupidslilhelper -- Emma, u do not know what ur talking about. Darcy is nothing but a snob.
Emma: @LizzyB -- Not a snob at all! Darcy is a man of refined taste & character, the heir to a sizable fortune, AND he wants u! If u ask me u would be MAD not to accept his offer straight away...
Elizabeth: @cupidslilhelper -- Unlike u, dear, there are more important things 2 me than society and fortune. The man I marry must appreciate that.
Emma: @LizzyB -- And if no such man presents himself?
Elizabeth: @cupidslilhelper -- Then I should be perfectly content to remain unmarried.
Emma: @LizzyB – That sort of talk sounds all too modern, if u ask me. A suitable marriage prospect is what a girl works 2ward. It is why, after all, she is educated and presented in2 society.
Elizabeth: @cupidslilhelper – Educated all for the purpose of entertaining suitors? What about the betterment of the mind & the value of literature and art and music?
Emma: @LizzyB – That is all well and good, Lizzy, but Darcy can hardly be expected to put up with such selfishness in his future wife. U have to give a little, no?
Elizabeth: @cupidslilhelper – I am more than willing to give if he will. Marriage must be a compromise b/w equals, not a sentence in servitude 4 a wife to her husband.
Emma: @LizzyB – Too progressive, Lizzy. Scale back.
Elizabeth: @cupidslilhelper – But it is not just Darcy’s antiquated expectations of a wife -- he is also insufferably cold, far quick to judge & severely lacks any sense of humor, of playfulness.
Emma: @LizzyB -- I am sure that is not true.
Elizabeth: @cupidslilhelper -- I do contend I have never seen him smile but once!
Emma: @LizzyB – He is simply guarded. U cannot expect such a dignified man to reveal all facets of his character without some coaxing – wit and charm and pride and intelligence, all at once?
Elizabeth: @cupidslilhelper – But I should hope so!
Emma: @LizzyB – Besides, Darcy is accustomed to classless advances given his wealth. U can hardly blame him 4 being suspect of new acquaintances.
Elizabeth: @cupidslilhelper – I suppose that sounds fair.
Emma: @LizzyB – Ah! I detect a change of heart in that tweet… :)
Elizabeth: @cupidslilhelper – Not so hasty. If Darcy is capable of warmth and compassion, I have yet to witness it. But that will be enough of Darcy. Tell me, how is ur dear Mr. Knightly?
Emma: @LizzyB – Knightly? He is fine, but I would hardly call him my dear.
Elizabeth: @cupidslilhelper – Oh Emma! After all ur matches, and as gifted as u claim to be in the art of love, I would expect u 2 recognize it in ur own heart when it appears.
Emma: @LizzyB – I am sure I do not know what ur talking about – Knightly is but a dear friend.
Elizabeth: @cupidslilhelper – Friend…?
Emma: @LizzyB – U cannot be suggesting, Lizzy, that Knightly and are well suited for one another.
Elizabeth: @cupidslilhelper – Emma, dear, that is precisely what I am suggesting! Ur blind to it, 4 whatever reason, but I am sure of u + Knightly, as sure as u r of myself + Darcy.
Emma: @LizzyB – Knightly is a confidant, like family, but I cannot be in love w/ him. He too…
Elizabeth: @cupidslilhelper – Yes? Do complete the tweet, dear.
Emma: @LizzyB –He’s just so practical, so responsible, so… old.
Elizabeth: @cupidslilhelper – Knightly has always been by ur side, watching over u, guiding u out of genuine admiration. I am sure in ur heart u feel the same 4 him.
Emma: @LizzyB – Do u really think so?
Elizabeth: @cupidslilhelper – I cannot believe u, so preoccupied with the contents of others’ hearts, could be so unaware of the contents of ur own!
Emma: @LizzyB – Perhaps ur right…